WAX on WAX off

A bikini wax can be as humiliating and as awkward as the first time you have sex; You are placed in unfamiliar positions and you just want to get it over with so you can pay your dues and be on your merry way to bigger, (hmmmmm) and brighter things.

The wax is a right of passage for all women, girl talk for the pedi char and is an absolute necessity for any warm weather/pool/beach plan. No one wants to be taunted by Samantha like  Miranda was on Sex And The City on her visible pubic hair along the edges of her bathing suit (  "You know if it gets any thicker you won't be able to find "it" )"...

I've had a boat load of bikini waxes over the years , some more aggressive than others, but this weeks' wax really took the cake for most entertaining , bringing the waxing ritual to a whole new level.

As I walked in and took my place on the table of misfortune, I noticed the woman who walked in behind me wasn't my usual go to " beautician". She called herself "Linda" and I'm pretty positive that wasn't her birth name but rather her American salon front nickname. I shyly told her that I had to be in a bikini this weekend, hinting to leave no stone unturned. There was no hinting necessary because this chica Linda knew exactly what I meant. She smiled with one front tooth missing, the other one partially yellowed ( I was shocked too, I know) and gave me an encouraging thumbs up saying " HEHE say no mo! " ( mo? slang for more? sure, whatever) . I had my doubts about her clean up capabilities due to her own questionable hygienic state, but I put my faith and my future bikini line in this stranger, Linda's hands.

WAX ON WAX OFF

Super Linda swiftly got to work like rapid fire, attacking the enemy ferociously. She got back to my roots( no pun intended) and quickly and efficiently got down to business. She was barking at me to move my legs up down and all around, to sit still and take deep breaths. She was like the soup Nazi giving orders and I morphed into Elaine, frightened to ask for more soup. I became a make shift science project being ripped apart literally at the seams. But ....damn she was quick , an essential element to the wax.

By the end of the session turned over and all, I was crying with laughter , tears streaming down that I, like millions of women , willingly commit ourselves to this painful practice, submitting ourselves to a perfect stranger who holds our #1 in their hands. But after all that agony and a quick 60 bucks later, I felt like a million bucks.

There's no way around it, beauty f*cking hurts. But I'm happy to report I'm lighter, brighter and   eagerly awaiting my Shoshanna white bikini come Thursday . Wish me luck.....

And no my butt doesn't look like that but a girl needs goals